Monday, October 8, 2012

140

Either i am walking in circles or the apartment is spinning.  and that beeping noise. that beeping noise.  is it real or is it in my head. really in my head.  beeping so loudly its coming out my ears. now my mouth. i am spinning and beeping and spinning and beeping... i am a siren.  This is my song.  Beep.  Beep.     Beep.      i wonder whom i will catch with my siren call.  Not many sailors in these parts.  land locked and all.  and all this land is locked.  Don't go here.  Don't go there.  Don't go.  Don't leave me here beeping and spinning and siren-ing.  I've never been a siren before!  I have no idea what i'm doing! shouldn't somebody with more training or education be doing this job.  What am i even a siren for.  Or to? shit shit shit.  who knew being a siren was so hard!?!  Siren anxiety.  Then, just like that, my spell is broken.  The beeping stops and so do my feet.  Standing, pants-less in the middle of my living room, running shoes untied, motionless.  Somebody has turned me off and im me again.  I feel tired and weak.  my mouth taste like purple and my tongue is swollen and dry and my lips are chapped.  I am down.  And out.  I look at the clock.  Six hours i have been pacing my apartment beeping.  Six hours.  I am the living dead.

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